Cativersary: a year with a cat

I got a cat because of science and my friends.

My friends with cats, after seeing me interact with theirs and my delight at photos and videos, were the first who got me thinking about adopting one. With that seed planted, true to form, I did a lot of research on, well, how to have a pet.

In doing that, I read a lot of articles about studies that found numerous benefits of having pets or specifically cats. The science said a cat would improve my health and lower stress levels, and who am I to argue with science?

I read it and believed it, but having never had a pet, I didn't really know what to expect.

Celebrating National Coming Out Day... for allies

I date and am attracted to people of all gender identities. I am a part of the LGBTQ community.

Sometimes I dress like the bisexual pride flag.

Now that we've got that out of the way--let's talk about National Coming Out Day.

National Coming Out Day was started in 1988 on the anniversary of the March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights the year before, founded by activists Rob Eichberg and Jean O'Leary. The goal of National Coming Out Day was and is to celebrate and build awareness around the act of coming out, and around out LGBT people (sources 1 2).

I am lucky that coming out for me has been pretty easy, because it's mostly been correcting people's assumptions. I don't have to let people know I am bisexual/pansexual because I "pass" for straight, but I choose to in order to increase awareness and challenge people to practice inclusivity and acceptance day to day, not just say it.

I am lucky. More than 80% of LGBTQ youth will be harassed at school for their identity. 40% of homeless youth are LGBT, most of whom are homeless because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. In 29 states it's legal to file someone for their sexual orientation; for their gender identity in three more. Eight trans* women of color have been killed in anti-LGBT violence in the last 4 months in the United States. It is illegal to be gay in 81 countries.

All this is to say, coming out is hard, scary and dangerous. So on National Coming Out Day we celebrate those who are able to come out and be out, and we spread awareness for those who are not.

So this year, I want to give a call to action to allies and how they can celebrate National Coming Out Day. Yes, you can come out too, as an ally, and that is a big step. But do more than just saying you are an ally, be one.

Today, ask yourself, "if someone close to me was coming out, would they feel comfortable telling me? How would I respond to them? How might they think I would respond to them? Have I actively created a safe space? Am I practicing openness and inclusion to the point that someone would know they can safely come out to me?"

You can build trust, understanding and acceptance with all the people close to you, LGBTQ or not. While you can't (really, please don't try) make anyone come out, You can actively create an environment that makes it a little less scary to come out in by considering the language and actions you use every day, by demonstrating support to people who are different from you, by speaking truth against oppressive power (even/especially when that power doesn't affect you). Read about and learn about the coming out experience and the discrimination those who are out (and those who are outed) face. Understand it's reality and fight back against. Let others see you do this and know that you are an ally and that you are safe.

Happy National Coming Out Day!

One year later

The last time I posted was celebrating an anniversary, of quitting my last job and deciding to move back to California.

It seems appropriate that my return to blogging start as I celebrate another anniversary this week, my Bay Area anniversary--one year since I moved to Oakland, one year since I started my job.

I did a lot in the last year. I met people. I made awesome new friends, and connected with awesome old friends. I worked a lot and loved it. I learned how to keep my apartment clean...most of the time. I made a lot of jam. I traveled more than I expected (and made plans for even more upcoming travel). I joined a board of directors. I tried new things. I lost things and found things.

This post is mostly an "oh hey," as I get ready to start blogging again, posting things that are probably more useful and interesting than me waxing un-poetic on the last year. But it's still worth saying it's been a year I am grateful for.

So, hey there.

An anniversary

I'm trying to make more time for writing in my life again. I know it's been a couple months since my last post, and as of earlier this week, three months since I moved to the San Francisco Bay Area, so I feel I owe an update on my life, as a poor excuse for why I've been missing in action.

Ladybug landed on my foot as I landed in Oakland. Good sign?

But, there are too many highlights of the last three months to call them all out here. It feels like it wouldn't be fair to just focus on some and ignore the others. It is fair to say that I am fortunate. One year ago today I decided to make a huge change in my life, and that change has led me here. I have moments of doubt as to whether it was right, and in many ways I can't know that yet, but I do know that where I am now is so much better than where I was a year ago.

I'm amazed at how comfortable I've become in this new space. I don't walk around San Francisco with the same wonderment and longing as I did on previous visits, but now with a sense of belonging. In some ways, I sometimes forget where I am; unlike in D.C., where I had constant reminders of it's D.C.-ness (I lived walking distance from the White House, has embassies for neighbors, passed Hilary Clinton's and Joe Biden's homes on my way to work), if I'm not looking for it, San Francisco and the East Bay don't jump out at me. I've settled in here. Still, when I slow down and look around, and most of all when I talk to people, I know that I couldn't be anywhere else in the world and feel like this.

Life changes, and an explanation

I am sitting in my apartment, in the San Francisco Bay Area, eating a chocolate croissant from a local bakery around the corner, surrounded by half un-packed boxes of books and clothes and knick knacks.

Somethings are too pretty to doodle

I feel like that one (long) sentence says a lot about my blogging absence, but on the likely chance it means far more to me than it does to you, let me elaborate.

Remember all those posts about working with unemployment (er, the series I still haven't finished)? And all those asides about looking for a job? I found one! A pretty great one! In San Francisco!

When I started to lag on posting, I was moving forward in interview processes, and then had about three weeks from being offered the position to move from LA to the SF area. If you've ever had to move to a new city quickly, then you know it isn't easy. If you've never had to do it, I wouldn't wish it upon you. Regardless, so far everything is good, dare I say even great--I was able to find an apartment (a one-bedroom at that; closing the door to go to sleep makes me feel so much more accomplished in life), and I've been working for about three weeks now, and enjoying being back in a city and exploring a new area.

I imagine some introspection on the past few months will be coming soon, but for now, I'll enjoy my chocolate croissant and everything this moment implies.

Fewer "things"

At the beginning of the year, I decided I would discard, give away, or otherwise get rid of at least one "thing" each week until I move. For me, this is a little bit more challenging than it sounds because of just how much I got rid of when I moved in October, but six weeks in, I still believe it's manageable.

The inspiration for this challenge came from Dinah Sanders' Discardia. The tagline for Discardia is "make room for awesomeness." I haven't read the book, but from the website, what I take from this idea (I could be totally off from Dinah's intent!) is that paring down things that don't matter or aren't important will make room for truly enjoying the things that are. If you know me you also know that I'm always seeking ways to reduce my impact on the environment, so this idea of letting go of "things" appeals to my green side as well.

A sampling of "things" no longer in my possession.

Since I don't know when I'll be moving, I don't know how many weeks of discarding I have left, though I anticipate as time passes it will get more difficult. In the little more than a month since starting, I've played it easy, recycling a hand-painted dish that broke in the move, sorting through paperwork to weed out what I don't need, cleaning out my art class portfolios (hope no one wanted a painting of a collage of an ostrich), mailing a book to a friend, and going through my intimates drawer*.

These things, for the most part, weren't hard to discard. They were easy decisions to make given the state of the things, or with the luxury of more time to logically sort things. There are no stories to tell about my separation from these things, which is why they were easy to let go. As this experiment progresses, I don't anticipate it will continue to be this easy, but I do anticipate it will be rewarding just having fewer "things."

*If this post has intrigued you about letting go of some things you don't need, and, if like me you've had your share of ill-advised bra purchases, please consider donating them this month to benefit the National Network to End Domestic Violence. New or gently worn bras can be dropped off at any Soma Intimates, or mailed to NNEDV. And, if you aren't sure if your bra qualifies, that's ok! They'll make sure any unusable items get recycled properly. 

A "Dear John" letter...to Diet Coke

Dear Diet Coke,

We've been through a lot together. You were there for me on some of the longest nights of my life--all-nighters to write papers, late night work shifts, and being "on-duty" when I was a resident assistant. You were there to keep me going through long work days, and you were there for good times too, countless movie and dinner dates, always with your effervescent personality that made me tingle.

Photo (L to R) of me and Diet Coke, circa 2008

Unfortunately, it's not me, it's you.

As much as I know it must hurt to hear this, it hurts me to have to say it. It's time for me to move on. Yes, you've been there for me for many years now, but you've also done damage that will take years for me to get over, if ever. I suspect I don't even know how much damage you're capable of. And you're not just hurting me, but others I care about.

You're not just like a drug, you are a drug, and I've got to call it quits. I can't say I won't be open to a booty call every now and then, but I need to make room in my life for someone better.

We'll always have our memories.

Love,
Bettina


SERIOUS NOTE: If you haven't already, please click the links embedded within this letter. They all lead to articles that are just the tip of the iceberg of why I've decided to give up soda. Soda (and diet soda is worse than regular sodas) does horrible things not only to our bodies, but to the environment. It's a huge challenge for me to give it up, but I'm confident that this is a decision I won't regret. 

Brief thoughts on the new year

When you think about it (which you’re apt to do if you are sitting home alone like I was), new year’s eve and new year’s day are just another night and morning. Yet, we’ve assigned these measures of time to our lives, and something about starting another year, opening a new calendar, and trying way too hard to remember what number to write at the end of the date screams of new beginnings. 

"Fresh Start" by seantoyer on Flickr

Since I’ve been working toward several goals over the last year that I haven’t met (like losing weight, but you know, also getting a job, and moving), I didn’t really set any new year’s resolutions (though I did pick January as the month to implement my plan to give up soda, but perhaps that’s for another blog post?). Even so, I was still struck with that ingrained feeling of hope and a fresh start when I woke up on January 1.

So, if I’ve taken a resolution at all, it’s this: to make everyday in 2012 feel as fresh and new as new year’s day. Whether you’ve taken another resolution or not, I hope you’ll consider each day as a new start and a reason to feel motivated to do whatever it is you need, whether day to day tasks or ambitious goals.

Thanks for starting 2012 with me, and I look forward to having more to share with you.

Love,
Bettina

The project formerly known as "25 by 25"

A little more than a year ago, following the lead of a friend, I decided to start a "25 by 25" list, which had an accompanying, short-lived blog. This list of 25 things I wanted to do before turning 25 including some items that were things I’d never done, some that were things I’d attempted and not been able to sustain, and some that were things I hadn’t done in many many years.

The cakes I baked for our family birthday celebration

Last month was my 25th birthday, and while I didn't do everything on my list, a lot more than I could have imagined has happened or started to happen in the last year.

I also realized that I don't need a list or time limits to do things- if there's something I want to do, I should do it when the opportunity arises, or make such an opportunity myself. Still, with closure in mind, I thought I'd post that list here with a bit of an status update on it.